Not everything that is faced can be changed
“Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.”
Baldwin argues that we must face the tough questions and recognize how our failure to do so compels us to fail to help others and ourselves. Change can only happen when we collectively face the truth of our predicament and decide that decisions and sacrifices have to be made to help others and ourselves. In doing so, we can often gain perspective, and opportunities we did not know were possible.
Often, we cling to a well-rehearsed, seemingly infallible narrative to validate our position instead of truly facing what is in front of us and how our patterns and behaviors might be contributing to the more significant problem. Whether it's a struggle with a loved one or larger social struggles, our narratives further entrench us by holding ourselves and others hostage. It's crucial that we critically examine these narratives despite the profound discomfort.
In my work with families, I must do more than ask the tough questions. I have to ask people to face what must change and suggest how to do so. Understandably, any parent would want to cling to maladaptive strategies to ease their child's pain and make seemingly benevolent accommodations. If your child needs to gain the skill set that one needs to be functional or is stuck in self-defeating patterns, the questions must be asked if things will get better on their own. More often than not, the answer is “no”. We must ask if what we are doing works even if we have always done things this way. We need to genuinely face things and see them for what they are before we deprive ourselves of changing our patterns for the benefit of all and discovering new possibilities.
Baldwin's message is clear: We need to ask the question and honestly face it. This means acknowledging the uncomfortable truths and taking action to address them.
Asking and answering a question is not the same as Facing one. Until we are willing to face what is uncomfortable, we will never truly find change. While some things cannot change, we owe it to ourselves and those around us to at least face things in an effort to become the better version of ourselves.
